How to “Get off Stage” and Ease Social Anxiety

Feel like you are “on stage” when you are in a social situation?

Feel like everyone is looking at you and judging “how well you perform”?

It is common to occasionally feel anxious and nervous in social situations, feeling like you are “on stage” with an “audience” scrutinising and judging you.

We are social beings, needing to function well together in society. So it makes sense that we care about what others may think. This helps us to foster positive social relationships and effectively navigate our social interactions. Showing care and consideration for others can strengthen our relationships and social status.

However, when we care too much about what others think, become overly concerned about being negatively judged by others and overestimate the danger of social situations, problematic levels of social anxiety can emerge.

Social anxiety is a natural part of being human. We cannot remove it, however, we can learn ways to best manage it.

So, let’s learn more about social anxiety, and ways to “get off stage” and feel more at ease in social situations.

What is social anxiety?

Social situations are seen as threatening

When people experience anxiety in social settings, they fear being judged negatively by others and thus view these interactions as threatening. They feel as though they are “on stage” and think that the “audience” is being critical towards them. The danger of social situations is overestimated. This type of anxiety can arise in situations where someone is being observed by others like giving a presentation, being in a work meeting, dancing at a party, being on a date or sitting on a train.

The desire to escape these situations is common. People can feel highly uncomfortable in social gatherings. The body’s fight-or-flight response frequently triggers, leading people to experience physical reactions like blushing, a racing heart, muscle tension, nausea, and dizziness. They often dread social events and may experience anticipatory anxiety, worrying about the event weeks in advance. Avoidance can also occur where people skip going to an event all together.

For example, Brad stands on the edge of the dance floor, nervously adjusting his shirt and feels a growing knot in his stomach. While his friends dance and enjoy themselves, he’s preoccupied with how others might perceive him. “How am I coming across?” he worries. He imagines he looks awkward and out of place, even though his friends have assured him otherwise. His fear of judgment distorts his view, making it hard for him to relax and have fun.

Brad feels like he’s under a spotlight, scrutinised by everyone around him, though in reality, most people are absorbed in their own conversations and dancing. The image he has of himself in the crowd seems distorted, more critical and harsh than what others are likely seeing. The fear of judgment is clouding his enjoyment, making it hard for him to just let go and have a good time.

Social anxiety is characterised by:

• Fear of being negatively judged by others

Typical behaviours associated with social anxiety include:

• Overpreparing for a presentation
• Not going to social events
• Shifting attention away from oneself by asking the other person numerous questions
• Looking down to avoid eye contact
• Being on guard and watching others reactions intently (e.g., facial expressions)

Typical thoughts associated with social anxiety include:

• “People are very critical and quick to judge”
• “Other people’s thoughts about me are extremely important”
• “I look weird”
• “People will think I am boring”
• “No one will talk to me at the party”

Typical physical symptoms associated with social anxiety include:

• Blushing
• Trembling
• Sweating
• Racing heart
• Nausea

Coping with social anxiety

3 ways to “get off stage” and ease your social anxiety 

1. Confront the feared situation

This is not what people who experience anxiety in social situations want to hear, but one way to cope is to actually confront the feared situation. The more a person avoids a situation the greater their fear about it will grow. It is only when we gradually step into feared situations like dating, work meetings and parties, that we can learn how to manage them and ease our fears about them.

2. Make room for your anxiety

This is probably also something that people who experience anxiety in social situations do not want to hear, that is, to learn to make room for your anxiety. Don’t wait for your anxiety to disappear. We are not aiming for zero anxiety in life. There are ways to learn to make room for our uncomfortable feelings like changing one’s mindset (e.g., “I don’t have to be perfect in social settings”) and practicing acceptance (e.g., “I can join in even if I’m feeling nervous”).

3. Change your mindset

Our thoughts are powerful. They influence how we feel. Notice what you are saying to yourself. For example, instead of thinking “Everyone is looking at me and judging me”, you can think “People are often more focussed on themselves and their concerns”.

While feeling anxious in social situations is not a disorder, persistent long-standing and intense levels may indicate a more serious psychological condition like social anxiety disorder. When people are almost always experiencing intense levels of anxiety in social situations and finding it difficult to handle everyday activities at home or work, it is important that they consult their doctor for assessment and support.

If you would like personalised help to find ways to “get off stage” and ease your social anxiety, I provide individual therapy support to adults to address these challenges. To get in touch to see how I can help or if we would be a good fit, reach out at: https://drlinda.au/getstarted/